The Secret Internet of the Elites
According to a popular conspiracy theory, some people believe there is a secret internet only for the elites. On the secret internet, things are very different than they are on the regular crappy internet that is accessible to ordinary people like you and me.
Unlike what they teach in schools, the so-called “internet” (singular) is not one thing that is the same for everybody. It is actually a bunch of internets — plural.
In reality, there exist many different classes of internet depending on who you are and how much you’re worth. Some of these internets are more restrictive (like the “free” one the poor and middle class use), and some are more free — like the anything-goes one used only by the wealthy elites. Of course, the best class of internet is only found on the secret internet.
On the secret internet, all the streaming services are free, first of all. And you can use it on as many devices as you want (as long as you’re a member). There are no limits, overages, or surcharges. Customer service always connects you immediately to a human who is never rude and has no accent, and there are never any chat-bots.
As for content, nothing is banned. There are no rules or censorship. No one can track your web browsing or monitor your activity. There are no cookies or spyware. There are no ads, viruses, bots, hackers, or phishing.
There’s also no fake news or disinformation on the secret internet. Included by default for secret internet members is the secret “good” version of Google search that isn’t full of junk. In fact, every fact on the secret internet’s alternate version of Wikipedia is one hundred percent verified by professional librarians. On top of that, every news article and blog post on the secret internet is both timely and evergreen, while somehow managing to be simultaneously entertaining and informative — plus, always written by an experienced expert in their field.
Did we mention that members of the secret internet even have access to free one hour drone delivery in most areas, and guaranteed overnight delivery no matter what, no matter where they are on Earth? Incredible, the unfairness of it all.