Justice Clarence Thomas Has Ordinary Day Despite Extravagant Gifts

Lost Books


(EXCLUSIVE) Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas claimed today was just another ordinary day at the office, despite receiving multiple extravagant gifts from supporters and well-wishers. According to Justice Thomas, Supreme Court justices receiving expensive presents, luxury items and lavish perks is perfectly normal and not out of the ordinary.

“I have many supporters and admirers who simply want to express their appreciation for my service on the nation’s highest court,” Justice Thomas said. “There is nothing unusual or improper about receiving these kinds of gifts.”

Justice Thomas acknowledged that today alone he received a new Rolex watch, a case of rare vintage wines, multiple bouquets of fresh flowers, tickets to the Super Bowl and World Series, as well as an all-expenses paid safari adventure in Tanzania. However, he insisted that this level of generosity is typical for Supreme Court justices and that there are proper procedures in place to ensure no ethical lines are crossed.

“I have 10 staff members who do nothing but process the gifts I receive each day by recycling wrapping paper, sending out thank you cards and ensuring everything is disclosed properly on the required ethics forms,” Justice Thomas said. “The notion that lavish gifts could in any way influence my impartiality as a Supreme Court justice is outrageous and false.”

Legal ethics experts disagree with Justice Thomas’s assessment and argue that such extravagant gifts clearly cross ethical lines and threaten the integrity of the Supreme Court, despite any disclosure procedures that may be in place. They say Supreme Court justices should not accept any gifts to avoid even the appearance of bias or improper influence. However, Justice Thomas remains defiant that today was just another ordinary day at the office despite the mountain of expensive gifts surrounding him.

“I will not be deterred by critics as I continue to serve the American people to the best of my ability,” Justice Thomas said, shortly before boarding a private jet for an all-expenses paid trip to a secluded island in the Bahamas formerly owned by Epstein. “This is simply part of the job.”

Images by Midjourney v5.

Text by Anthropic’s Claude, with slight human edits.